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Did you know that babies have so much to tell us? Here are a few of the important message they need us to understand: 

• I Have a Voice: Even without words, my cries, movements, and babbles express my needs and feelings.
  

• Watch and Listen: Pay attention to when I babble, cry, or move. I'm often communicating something important.
  

• Body Language: Notice my body can move differently, from slow and cautious to quick and jerky.
  

• Safety and Comfort: Your calm presence and reassuring touch help me feel safe in this big world.
  

• Needing Space: When I look away or close my eyes, I need a break. Thank you for giving me that space.
  

• Breathing Changes: My breathing can show how I’m feeling. It’s a way for you to understand my experiences.
  

• Listening Together: By tuning into my needs, both of us grow and learn together.
  

• We are different: Your past and emotions are different from mine. Recognising how I am unique and special is essential to my healthy development.

Understanding and responding to infant's communications creates a sense of security in the parent-child relationship, and lays the foundations of self security (how children come to understand and feel about themselves). It's not about getting it right every time, but it is about taking the time to be present, to pay attention, and to make the effort to understand as best we can. It is also about making things right when we make mistakes. All of these experiences help children develop capacities and skills for communication and emotion regulation, which in turn will help them to be generally happier and more resilient as they grow.

In a recent online parenting group session, Hanif Jaberipour of the Australian Childhood Foundation delved into the fascinating world of neuronal connections. What I really liked was the simple metaphor that he came up with to explain how pathways in our brains shape our thoughts and behaviors:

Imagine a peaceful lawn with a cozy café nearby. Most people take the path around the lawn to reach the café, the familiar route. Now, picture a customer deciding to take a shortcut across the grass, realizing it's more convenient. As this shortcut is repeated, a pathway starts to form, becoming more noticeable and even wider over time.

The key idea here is the creation of a distinct and well-defined pathway across the lawn, making it likely for others to follow suit. This pathway significantly influences how the park functions and how many customers attend the café.

But what happens when the park's caretaker notices this new pathway and isn't happy about it? They might try to discourage its use by blocking access. As a result, the shortcut's popularity diminishes, maybe even stopping altogether.

Now, think about the long-term fate of this pathway. The lawn starts to regrow, causing the shortcut to narrow and fade away.

In this metaphor, the pathway on the lawn represents neuronal pathways in our brains, formed and strengthened through repeated experiences, much like people walking across the grass.

When it comes to healing the brain, these pathways often originate from negative experiences. But as a child's circumstances improve, the brain receives fewer negative messages, similar to the caretaker blocking the shortcut, leading to reduced foot traffic across the lawn. Consequently, the neuronal pathway associated with negative experiences gradually narrows and might eventually disintegrate.

In simpler terms, just like a path on a lawn can change and fade with time, our brain's pathways can transform too, especially when we replace negative experiences with positive ones.

https://professionals.childhood.org.au/prosody/2023/10/new-metaphor-explains-malleability-of-the-brain-and-neuronal-connections/

Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys undertaken in life. It's a journey that involves not just nurturing and caring for our children but also understanding ourselves as parents. Dan Hughes and Jon Baylin, renowned practitioners and authors in the field of trauma-informed care, have outlined five interconnected systems that support effective parenting. These systems draw upon neuroscience to help parents strengthen their connection with their children.

Let's delve into each of these systems:

1. The Approach System: This system enables parents to feel safe and to stay open and engaged whilst interacting with their child. Becoming a parent triggers hormonal changes in the brain, influencing how we approach caregiving. Our left and right brain hemispheres play special roles in either fostering connection or triggering defensive responses. Creating a safe and nurturing environment for our children helps strengthen the approach system, even if our upbringing or genetics predispose us to a stronger harm avoidance system.
   

2. The Reward System: Parenting should ideally be a source of pleasure, satisfaction, and reward. The brain's dopamine reward system plays a crucial role in associating parenting with positive experiences. However, factors like stress or depression can dampen this system, making it challenging to find joy in caregiving. Understanding how our reward system operates can help us navigate the ups and downs of parenting.
   

3. The Child Reading System: This system involves our ability to understand, attune to, and empathise with our child. It's a process of reading verbal and non-verbal cues, which can be influenced by our own experiences of stress or trauma. A stressed brain tells different stories about our parenting and our child than what a calm brain does.
   

4. The Meaning-Making System: How we make sense of our experiences as parents shapes our parenting journey. Reflecting on our own upbringing and experiences helps us understand ourselves as parents and guides our interactions with our children. Calming our stressed brains allows us to engage more effectively with our children and develop enriched narratives about our parenting journey.
   

5. The Executive System: This system enables us to regulate our internal states, monitor the quality of our connection with our child, and engage in timely repair of our relationship if needed. Stress and life experiences can hinder the functioning of this system, leading to rigid or reactive parenting. Cultivating mindfulness and self-awareness can help us access this executive system more effectively.
   
   

In essence, understanding these five parenting systems can empower us to navigate the complexities of parenthood with greater insight and compassion. By nurturing these systems within ourselves, we can foster stronger connections with our children and create a nurturing environment where they can thrive.

I often get asked about how parents can help their children develop social skills. Here are some tips that I'd love to share with you:

• Encourage Playdates: Arrange playdates with other children to give your child opportunities to practice social interactions in a safe and supportive environment.
  

• Model Positive Social Behaviour: Children learn by observing, so be a positive role model by demonstrating active listening, polite communication and empathy in your own interactions.
  

• Teach Communication Skills: Help your child learn how to express their thoughts and feelings simply, clearly and respectfully. Practice active listening and encourage them to do the same.
  

• Role-play Social Situations: Role-playing different social scenarios can help your child feel more confident when faced with real-life situations. Practice greetings, sharing, and taking turns.
  

• Celebrate Small Victories: Praise your child's efforts when they make progress with their social skills by telling them what you’ve noticed. Celebrating small victories can boost their confidence and motivation to keep improving.
  

• Provide Constructive Feedback: Offer gentle and constructive feedback when your child struggles with social interactions. Focus on specific behaviours and suggest alternative ways to handle similar situations in the future.
  
  

Remember, every child develops at their own pace, so be patient and supportive along the way. Together, we can help our children build the social skills they need to thrive in relationships and in life! 💖